Posts Tagged ‘israel’

Israel: No Criticism Allowed

Saturday, April 14th, 2012

Israel, the little jack-booted country that could, is successfully bullying international airlines into not flying potential pro-Palestinian protestors to Tel Aviv. These include three women from Manchester who are being told by that they will neither be allowed a refund not allowed to fly. On Thursday, dozens of passengers were similarly denied passage on Lufthansa for travel to Tel Aviv.

The Israeli regime, is keen to minimize the number of international protestors at a rally for occupied Palestine in Bethlehem.

Atlanta Jewish Times: “Israel should Murder Obama”

Saturday, January 14th, 2012

Atlanta’s weekly newspaper for Jews is recommending that the Israeli Prime Minister, Netanyahu should… “strike Hezbollah and Hamas, strike Iran, or “order a hit” on Barack Obama. Either way, problem solved!”

While this rhetoric might result in orange jump suits and gaol time for a Muslim, most likely Andrew Adler, the publisher, will be allowed to retain his freedom. This is because American Zionists are special people and enjoy a special place in American society. There is no such thing as a Jewish terrorist. Zionists are simply enthusiastic, fun-loving, freedom fighters.

The son of a Zionist terrorist, Emanuel Rahm, went from Obama’s Chief of Staff to Mayor of Chicago. Chicagoans don’t care that he’s the son of a Zionist terrorist. He’s a special person. And if Andrew Adler wants to assassinate Obama, Americans will understand. Israel is more important than America. Jews are more important than Muslims. And Israelis are more important than Arabs. They are special people.

Israel Launches new Tourism Campaign

Thursday, September 15th, 2011

Israel, increasingly isolated, has launched a new tourism campaign in a desperate attempt to turn the tide of public opinion. The campaign features television and radio advertisements and a series of billboards for the American market. The target audience is mostly white, Republican Americans who are most readily drawn to the kind of unapolagetic bigotry that Israel offers.

Israel Murders 10 Aid Workers

Monday, May 31st, 2010

Israel’s aggression against the Arab people descended to new depths today. The Israeli military attacked a convoy of aid ships heading to besieged Gaza. 10 aid workers were murdered by the military in what many observers are describing as an act of state sponsored terrorism.

Israel has created a humanitarian crisis in the Gaza strip by cutting off the area from virtually all supplies including medicine and building materials. The aid convoy was organized, unofficially by Turkey, as a means of providing relief to the besieged community.

Since the unprovoked attack, Turkey has recalled its ambassador and numerous protests against Israel have occurred around the world. Palestinian President Abbas described the attack as a “massacre”.

One of the ships in the flotilla of aid vessels was named the Rachel Corrie, after the young American killed by an Israeli Army bulldozer in Gaza. Rachel had been standing in front of the house of a pharmacist slated for demolition as part of Israel’s process of ethnic cleansing.

Israeli Nuclear Weapons

Sunday, May 30th, 2010

Ambiguity Lost – Israel has Nukes

Monday, May 24th, 2010

Israel’s long-standing policy of nuclear ambiguity has come to a shattering end. “We may have nukes. We may not have nukes. We’re not telling”. This has been the decades long policy of Israel. Now the Guardian reveals proof that, not only is Israel a proud member of the nuclear club, but they also tried to sell nuclear weapons to the South Africans. Many will remember that during the sorry apartheid years in South Africa, her best friend, and brother in bigotry was Israel.

Shimon Peres now finds his signature made public on an unclassified document that reveals the whole plot. The embarassment for Israel comes at a particularly sensitive time. The zionists are lobbying hard in Washington  to get support for bombing Iran. Iran, the Israeli’s argue, is a dangerous country that cannot be trusted with nuclear weapons. Who know’s what might happen to them. Now, it seems, the world has proof of not only Israeli deception but of deliberate Israeli nuclear proliferation attempts.

Obama Urged to Bomb Israeli Nuclear Sites

Monday, May 18th, 2009

israeli-bombUN242 has recently received dozens of email urging us to focus on an apparent nuclear weapons stash that Israel may or may not have (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). These weapons of mass destruction may or may not have been developed by the Israelis or may have been given to them by their friends friend. Israel is one of four states that have refused to sign the nuclear non-proliferation treaty. The other three, India, Pakistan, and North Korea, all have nuclear weapons.

Most of our readers have suggested that Netanyahu, who arrived in Washington yesterday, be forced to sign the non-proliferation treaty in exchange for continuing economic and military aid (Israel is the biggest recipient of American taxpayers  cash). A number of readers propose more of a “Bush doctrine” approach with respect to Israel. A pre-emptive U.S. strike against possible Israeli nuclear sites would eliminate the threat of WMDs before they can be used. In a way this would only be fitting as Obama recently seems to be fitting into the Bush mould with respect to foreign policy: resuming military tribunals in Guantanamo, bombing civilians in Pakistan and Afghanistan, blocking Abu Graihb torture photos, etc.

Attractive Intern Wanted

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009

pretty photographer
The UN242 news bureau is looking for a new intern for summer 2009. If you are a journalism student and want to work in the beautiful Israeli town of Sderot just across the border from the Palestinian death camps, this could be a great opportunity for you.

We only have a few requirements. Applicants…

  • must be breast-fed
  • must be willing to tolerate occasional noise of roof tiles rattling when Hamas bottle rockets come down.
  • must like cats
  • must be “fair and balanced”
  • must not be Arab
  • must be attractive (and female)

UN242 is an equal opportunity employer

Netanyahu Sworn in as PM

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

In a moving and solemn ceremony, the illustrious Benjamin Netanyahu was today sworn in as the new Israeli Prime Minister. Speaking afterwards, he made the following comments…

Fellow Israelis and Arab haters, I can promise you the following… no more compromises, expulsions for all Muslims, new more devious torture techniques. We will continue settlement expansion until we have a true partner for extermination – sorry, I mean peace.
Israel uber alles

Israel Announces new Partner for Peace

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

After years of whinging about the lack of a true Palestinian “partner for peace”, the next Prime Minister of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, today proudly announced that he had found a true partner for peace – “…someone we can do business with.”

Most of us know him as the Grim Reaper.

An Israeli spokesman revealed that there was mutual respect behind the decision to work with Mr. Reaper. He cited the following among the many similar values both sides share:

  • We both don’t disciminate between soldiers, civilians, men, girls, pregnant women – a life is a life
  • Our long term goals are the same – suffering, death, and destruction
  • Similar respect for non-Israeli lives – even the grim reaper recognizes that the Israelis are “chosen people.”
  • Forward-looking; not bogged down by the unnecessary baggage of historic agreements, security council resolutions, or human rights charters like the Geneva Convention.

Israeli Humour

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

In a very rare moment of levity, Defence Minister, Ehud Barak, speaking on Israeli radio and describing his army’s recent rearrangement of Gaza, said, “I still say we have the most moral army in the world. Of course there may be exceptions…”

The studio audience immediately erupted into fits of laughter. Ehud Barak, previously such an unfunny man, had discovered his comedic touch that no-one knew he had.

We went out onto the streets of Sderot to get a feeling of the publics mood. In general, the consensus was one of admiration and surprise. One passer-by, Harrold Hill, told us that he was supremely impressed that such a small, insignificant man such as Ehud could have nursed this sense of humour along for all these years.

“Irrational hatred of Israel”

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Attempts to save Israel from destruction by Charles W. Freeman Jr., an expert on the Middle East have ended in abject failure. As soon as lawmakers in the generous pocket of AIPAC found out about some of his comments he was rightly cut down to size. Mr. Freeman, a former ambassador to Saudi Arabia had been due to accept a top intelligence post in the new administration.

Here’s a couple of his statements.

“left to its own devices, the Israeli establishment will make decisions that harm Israelis, threaten all associated with them and enrage those who are not.”

“Israel is driving itself toward a cliff, and it is irresponsible not to question Israeli policy and to decide what is best for the American people.”

We, at UN242, support the Obama administration’s view that there should be no discussion of Israel’s right to bomb civilians, to break the bones of teenagers, or to use American-made missiles to target old men in wheelchairs. We fully support the state’s use of torture, the occupation of Arab land and the right of all Israelis to act like aggressive, hateful bigots. We encourage all Israelis to continue to blame their victims, deny verified civilian massacres, and cast aspersions about peaceful international organisations such as the Red Cross.

The financial crisis has resulted in the loss of some of our key sponsors. AIPAC, do you think you might give us a small grant? For 250,000 Shekels, the UN242 newdesk could produce 6 months of propaganda favourable to Israel. This must surely be a better deal than you’re getting from CNN.

“Unshakeable” – US Support for Israel

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009

Unlike James Bond’s martini, Hillary Clinton has announced that Obama’s support for Israel cannot be shaken. She didn’t state whether or not it could be stirred. Mrs Clinton said that this should not come as a surprise. This is just part of the same historic American strategy of supporting “assertive” right wing governments around the world. Past recipients of unshakeable support include Pinochet (Chile), Somoza (Nicaragua), Hussein (Iraq), Noriega (Panama), Karimov (Uzbekistan), etc. Simultaneously, the US Department of Education announced that there would be a 60% increase in funding for schoolyard bullies. An Obama spokesman clarified that the two announcements had been coordinated because it is important to have a consistent approach throughout government.