Posts Tagged ‘gaza’

British Justice for Livni

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

tzipi-livni-israeli-war-criminalA British magistrate has issued an arrest warrant for the Israeli politician Tzipi Livni for war crimes. Livni was instrumental in the American approved Israeli pogrom in Gaza in which 1400 Palestinians (mostly civilians) and only 13 Israelis were killed. The warrant was issued in the belief that she was on British soil. Apparently tipped off that she would face prosecution for her actions, she changed her plans. Livni’s whereabouts are currently unknown although it is presumed that she is hiding out with other zionists. Members of the public, especially Arabs, have been asked not to approach Livni, as she may be dangerous.

Israeli Army “…followed law in Gaza”

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009


Following an internal inquiry, the Israeli Army claim that they have followed International law during their bloody invasion of Gaza in 2008/2009. The report goes on to say that certain civilian deaths were unavoidable but that troops maintained a “high professional” level during the campaign.

In compiling its much-awaited report, the Army omitted some minor irrelevant episodes including…

  • the illegal use of white phosporus in a civilian area
  • the illegal use of tank shells against civilians
  • the illegal use of napalm against civilians
  • the illegal indiscriminate use of naval shelling against civilians
  • the illegal use of flechette munitions against civilians
  • the illegal use of cluster bombs in a civilian area
  • the illegal deliberate targeting of civilians by snipers, drones, and helicopters
  • the apparent use of experimental DIME munitions against civilians
  • collective punishment – not legal

A spokesman for the Israeli Army stated that the report giving the thumbs up to the Israeli massacre was meant to be released on April 1st (Fools Day) but had been delayed due to a clerical error.

the Smaller – the Harder

Sunday, March 22nd, 2009

the-smaller-the-harderThe extreme professionalism of the Israeli army became clear with the marketing of a number of t-shirts to celebrate their great victory in Gaza against Palestinian civilians. Israelis snipers, keen to show how accurate they are, preferred to shoot small children rather than full-grown civilians. The Israeli army t-shirt, shown above, reads, “the smaller, the harder” with an image of a small Palestinian boy within the crosshairs of an Israeli sniper’s rifle.

The staff here at UN242 have been wearing replicas of the same t-shirts around the office as we offer our congratulations to the Israelis for their success. Also celebrating were George W. Bush and the sexy Condoleeza Rice who had provided the customary U.S. “green light” for the Israeli invasion.

1 Shot – 2 Kills

Sunday, March 22nd, 2009

1-shot-2-killsThe extraordinarily high civilian casualty count during the recent Israeli offensive into Gaza is becoming easier to account for. It appears that Israeli soldiers were using a points system that encouraged civilian Arab deaths. Pregnant women were especially “high-value” targets for the network of eager Israeli snipers.

At the end of the campaign, the Israelis had lost 13 brave young men. The Palestinians had lost 1300 – two thirds of whom were civilians. To celebrate this great victory, the Israeli army had the above t-shirts printed showing a pregnant Muslim woman within the crosshairs of a sniper’s rifle and the words, “1 Shot 2 Kills.

Israeli Humour

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

In a very rare moment of levity, Defence Minister, Ehud Barak, speaking on Israeli radio and describing his army’s recent rearrangement of Gaza, said, “I still say we have the most moral army in the world. Of course there may be exceptions…”

The studio audience immediately erupted into fits of laughter. Ehud Barak, previously such an unfunny man, had discovered his comedic touch that no-one knew he had.

We went out onto the streets of Sderot to get a feeling of the publics mood. In general, the consensus was one of admiration and surprise. One passer-by, Harrold Hill, told us that he was supremely impressed that such a small, insignificant man such as Ehud could have nursed this sense of humour along for all these years.