Posts Tagged ‘ariel sharon’

Secrets from Bibi

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

condi-riceUN242: “Mr. Netanyahu, do you have any personal secrets that you’d like to share with our readers?”

Bibi: “Well, I shouldn’t really divulge this, but there is one secret that I think might suprise one or two people.”

UN242: “Oh. Please carry on. We’re all ears.”

Bibi: “Well, every Tuesday afternoon I go down to the private hospital room where they have poor old Ariel hooked up to all those tubes.”

UN242: “…to say some prayers for his recovery?”

Bibi: “Hell no! That geriatric schleppy fatso’s never going to get better. No, I’ve got a stash of candid photographs of Condoleeza Rice that I keep in his room. I like to think about her while I’m polishing the old bishop. Boy, she’s one mean hot, sexy, bitch. I’d love to see her in black latex. That would drive me nuts! She’s so tough, she makes Colin Powell look positively homosexual!”

UN242: “Thank you, Mr. Netanyahu, that’s a very revealing story. I’m not sure that our readers will enjoy visualizing it though”

Murderous Hatred

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

ariel-sharonAriel Sharon once famously said that he felt nothing but “murderous hatred” for the Palestinians. We sent our new intern, Norma Snockers out onto the streets of Sderot to see if all Israelis feel the same way.

Norma: “…excuse me, miss…”

Young Lady: “Mrs.”

Norma: “Mrs, do you feel murderous hatred for the Palestinians?”

Young Lady: “Oh, no! Murderous hatred! No, I don’t think so. I feel more of a contemptuous loathing.”

Norma: “…Excuse me, sir. When you think of the Palestinians, do you have murderous hatred in you heart?”

Bob: “No, I have nothing but love in my heart for the Palestinians.”

Norma: “Really?”

Bob: “No, not really! Just murderous hatred.”

Norma: …you, mister,  in the schleppy coat, when you think of the Palestinians, do you feel murderous hatred?

Old Man: “Me? No, I would describe it more as oozing disgust.”

Norma: “Thank you”