Archive for the ‘Fresh Fruit’ Category

Cheney Enjoys Rectal Feeding

Monday, December 15th, 2014

cheney-hummus-yumThe former Vice President of Torture, “Dick” Cheney, still insists that all the (illegal and counter-productive) torture conducted in his name is not torture.

The hate-filled, short-sighted, follically-challenged Republican insists that rectally feeding victims hummus and nuts is a common mode of enhancing the love connection between amorous Neocons. In fact, Cheney insists that he spent many long evenings with his boss, President George W. Bush, lovingly giving each other hummus enemas. Mr. Cheney and Mr. Bush apparently used to wax each others anus before having a late night anal snack of hummus and nuts.

In this video from Meet the Press, Mr. Cheney declares that the Bush/Cheney rectal feeding programme was not torture but an effective medical technique unique to Guantanamo. So, next time that you are feeling a bit poorly, try taking that Starbucks latte rectally. Coming down with the flu? Stick a bunch of loganberries up your bum! You’ll feel wonderful in no time. Thanks Dick!

Avoid Bar Code 729

Saturday, August 2nd, 2014

barcode-729Thanks to the murderous hatred of the Israeli people and the subsequent actions of their Government, the BDS (Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions) movement against Israel has been rapidly accelerating.

Many more people are now looking at barcodes on the products in their supermarkets and asking the management not to stock Israeli products.

Many products are identified with the 729 barcode that indicates that a product is made in Israel.


How to Boycott the Apartheid State

Saturday, July 26th, 2014


Many of our readers have asked us how best to protest the extreme violence that the Zionists are perpetrating against a captive civilian population in Gaza. From our friends at (Boycotts, Divestments and Sanctions) comes a 9 point list, the first of which is as follows:

  1. Boycott goods of Israeli companies as well as international companies involved in Israel’s human rights violations

The most basic step is to stop buying products and services of Israeli companies and, whenever feasible, of international companies involved in Israel’s human rights violations. Try to encourage your friends, family and community to join you in doing so.

It differs from country to country, but the most common Israeli exports include:

– fresh fruit and vegetables such as Jaffa citrus fruits and Israeli Medjoul Dates
– Ahava cosmetics
– SodaStream drinks machines
– Eden Springs bottled water
– Golan Heights Wineries and other Israeli wines

There are many international companies that are complicit in Israeli violations of international law. Examples include HP, Caterpillar, Volvo, Hyundai, among many others.

Trying to boycott the products of every single company that participates in Israeli apartheid is a daunting task that has a slim change of having a concrete impact.

It makes more sense to focus on optimal targets that are being targeted as part of national or international campaigns. Consumer boycotts are most effective when part of a broader campaign against a particular product or aiming to pressure a retailer to stop selling a particular Israeli product.

Get in contact with a BDS organisation in your area to find out what companies and products are being targeted and how to support local campaigns. If no such organization exists, start your own campaign, in coordination with well-recognized BDS organizations.


Israel Deports Kidnapped Peace Campaigners

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

yasser-arafat-illustrationNobel peace laureate Mairead Maguire and former US congresswoman Cynthia McKinney were both deported from Israel today. They had been kidnapped by the Israeli military, along with twenty other peace campaigners, while attempting to bring several tons of aid to Gaza. They were apparently within Palestinian waters when they were kidnapped. Israel has been blockading Gaza ever since Hamas won the Palestinian election.

An Israelis military spokesman commented, “It’s very difficult for us to maintain our blockade of Arab civilians when these large-bottomed, busy-body, do-gooders come over here distributing supplies. I mean how on earth can we starve the good-for-nothing Arabs when those bitches are handing out fresh fruit, chicken pot pies, and cuppa soup? I think the international community will appreciate that we had no option but to kidnap and deport them.”

American Banana Robber

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

bananasA hapless American has attempted to hold up a shop in Winston-Salem using a banana. The banana was concealed under his shirt and is is believed that he wanted his victims to believe it might be a gun. Naturally, the ploy didn’t work and the store owner and others pounce on him. Somehow, though, he was able to find time to eat the banana, thus destroying the evidence, before he was taken into custody.

“Jaffa-Gate” Citrus Plot Thickens

Monday, April 27th, 2009

jaffagateThose lovely jaffa oranges are back in the news. Here, in the land of milk and honey at UN242, we always start our day with a big plate of slice-up Jaffa oranges. Iranians, on the other hand, are up in arms at the arrival in Tehran of tons of oranges labeled “Jaffa Sweetie”. Iran, in an effort to curtail the apartheid policies of the Israeli regime have boycotted Israeli produce for decades. How did this fresh fruit get in? Questions were asked. Fingers were pointed.

It turns out that the Jaffa oranges were Chinese! Chinese exporters in a humourosly futile and grossly naive attempt to make their produce appear more palatable had deliberately mislabeled their fruit as being Israeli. The result: the Chinese are unhappy because they have to take their fruit back; the Iranians are unhappy because they were trapped between touching Israeli fruit and dying of scurvey; and the Israelis are unhappy because the Chinese are clearly selling Jaffa oranges around the world that have never been near an Israeli bigot.

Israeli horticuluralists can be justifiably proud of their enviable success with the humble orange. If you didn’t know, their secret, natural ingredient is the use of ground-up Palestinian children as fertilizer. Yum!

Fresh Fruit Song

Sunday, April 12th, 2009

It is Easter Sunday and UN242 brings you the Spike Milligan and the Fresh Fruit Song for your viewing pleasure. If you like Spike, you’ll love the Goons.

Jaffa Oranges – from the Land of Milk and Honey

Sunday, April 5th, 2009

Everyone loves a lovely sweet orange and everyone loves Israeli oppression. Why not combine the two activities? Buy yourself some wonderful, juicy Jaffa oranges. High in vitamin C and grown in Israel using the ground-up bones of Palestinian school children; start your day off right with a Jaffa orange!

Defence Against Fresh Fruit

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

If you don’t have the benefit of experience in the British Army, the above clip provides some useful examples of how to defend yourself against an attacker armed with fresh fruit. Topics covered include bananas and raspberries, but not pointed sticks. Previously covered weapons include oranges, apples, grapefruit (whole and sliced), mangoes in syrup, passion fruit, loganberries, and greengages.

Balanced Forces in Gaza

Sunday, January 11th, 2009


Some international observers have suggested that the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians is one-sided. UN242 decided to take a fair and balanced look at the armaments of Israel and Hamas to see if this is a fair assertion.


  1. Nuclear bombs (150 – 200)
  2. Battle tanks (2400)
  3. F16 fighter-bombers (301)
  4. Apache helicopters (54)
  5. Blackhwawk helicopter (48)
  6. White phosphorus
  7. Flechettes
  8. Cluster bombs
  9. DIME – Dense Inert Metal Explosive
  10. Navy gunships


  1. Qassam bottle rockets
  2. Catapults (“slingshot” for Americans)
  3. Bits of brick
  4. Bits of breezeblock (cinderblock for Americans)
  5. Pebbles
  6. Stones
  7. Shirt-buttons
  8. Pineapples (Hamas will neither confirm nor deny their stockpile of pineapples)
  9. Pointed sticks (unknown number)
  10. Human and animal bones

Since both sides appear to have the same number of weapons. We conclude that the fight is fair and balanced. Furthermore, we predict that the outcome will be a draw.